"You're a chill Jew"

I had a recent conversation with a friend of my wife and I. This friend who had recently become religious referred to my wife and I as "chill Jews". Now such a statement has a forked road the size of Kentucky in the middle of it. Either we are chill Jews because we are welcoming and can make any Jew of any walk of life feel comfortable ooooooooooor.... we are chill because we are lenient in Halacha and are influenced by the modern excitement of Los Angeles and the world over. I didn't give off the impression of being insulted because I didn't want to argue with someone who I haven't seen in at least 2 years and at that point they were most likely eating a cheeseburger on Shabbos. The question was part of a larger conversation based around them interested in a shidduch with someone who was a baal teshuvah as well and completely swore against going to the movies. This friend of ours still couldn't shake the habit and this was really a pressing issue. I always laugh at such statements like hearing someone at Aish saying they don't go to movies anymore after being "religious" for a summer. I just don't understand how the baal teshuvah mind works sometimes. It could be because I lived in a frum house for 4 years with religious parents before I myself became religious, but I hold learning of Hilchos Shabbos higher than staying away from the movie theater. Well this potential shidduch had been religious for 3 years and was very shtark and isn't in touch with the reality of the modern world "like my wife and i". Whaaaaaa? 3 years and their mea sharim mindset is in full effect? Sounds like one holy person to me. My Rav once told me "We are more modern than someone in Borough Park, but we are not Modern Orthodox". Its a powerful statement for me because although I work in the Ad Graphic Modern World, I do not indulge in it. I don't own a TV and I have been to 1 movie in 2 years and I really wish I picked a better movie. (Do not see Indiana Jones it was bad.) Chumrahs and Minhagim aren't going to bring Moshiach and I have yet to find in any seforim advice to focus on them more than Halacha. My writings are not a platform to brag about how religious I am but to comment on an important misconception in the Baal Teshuvah world and that is that going to the Movies will send you to gehenom but performing a malacha on Shabbos eh...B'Shogeg. Maybe when we invite this friend for Shabbos they will realize their err in judgement. It just goes to show you that you shouldn't judge a Jew by their cover. Its the one criticism I have for the baal teshuvah yeshivas is that they don't keep Baal Teshuvah Syndrome in check and make sure these Jews don't think they are poskim for the masses or that going to the movies or not should be #2 on their shidduch qualification list.

G-d willing we will all including myself realize that we need to serve Hashem for his sake and inspire others to do so and with that bring Moshiach who will rebuild the Beis Hamikdash before tomorrow and we will dance in Yerushalayim AMEN!!!

Baal Sheeeevy.

When I first began my return back to Torah Judaism, a friend of mine made an interesting comment and provided some good advice. He said that a lot of "baal teshuvas" get really excited about keeping mitzvos, that as suddenly as they started keeping Shabbos they begin to judge others, criticize and point on faults, and worst of all judge non religious Jews. Its called "Baal Sheevy Syndrome" and it infects thousands of Jews worldwide. Usually, with the help of G-d and also some time learning in Yeshiva or Seminary, they realize their foolishness and begin to truly focus on correcting their own Neshama. Sometimes, though that isn't the case and the syndrome lingers with them for years, even decades.

During Simchas Torah there was a break between Mincha and Maariv and we went to someones house for some food & drink. The food was nice (homemade cakes) and the drink was as well (homemade lemonade). What wasn't nice was the conversation. One thing I cant stand to do is sit around a table and tell "my story" of how I became religious with other frum people. The purpose is nothing more than a contest to show who returned in a more interesting way. Its sometimes good for non religious Jews to hear to inspire them and get them thinking, but even that isn't my method of inspiration. That wasn't the problem its was ensued after.

For the next hour we discussed or should I say, gossiped about and criticized non religious Jews and our interaction with them. What purpose does this serve? Is it bringing Jews back to Torah? Is it elevating our own level of dedication to Hashem? Chabad's who mission is to bring Jews back to Torah, and to learn Chassidus and be Chasidim (Righteous, above the letter of the law, dedicated to Torah), and here I am sitting around a table listening to a bunch of Lubavitchers bash Jews. I guess Ahavas Yisroel only applies to when you are doing Kiruv work, and even then now I question if its genuine. The whole thing was a one up party. Oh Ive been frum for this long, oh I started keeping Chalav Yisroel years ago, Oh this Rabbi ate in my house and he doesn't eat in anyone's house. The best one was "I met the Lubavitcher Rebbe back in the 70's. Oh that was before Dollars." I wondered to myself. is Before Dollars like a time period? Since he is the Messiah I guess AD doesn't stand for Jesus's (the false messiah) death. AD stands for After Dollars. Its a mean spirited joke but it was a product of what I was hearing.

I was trying to figure out how to get up and leave without being rude or making it awkward and I almost got out without saying a word except for thank you to the host for the food. As I was about to leave the question popped "Are you frum since birth?" No... "Oh when did you become religious?" First off, were you paying attention at all? My parents just said they became religious 8 years ago. Am I frum since birth? Yea...I'm married and have a beard, but I'm only 8. OK, OK, give him a break." I told him I became religious about three years ago. His response was "Oh that's not that long ago. Well that was rude. Lets see where I'm at when I'm your age.

I left and went back to shul to continue learning Gemara. I might not be a Talmid Chachum but I figured that not understanding Mesechta Makkos is a better use of time than putting down Jews. When I see and hear my peers (18-30) acting like Baal Sheevy's I kind of just laugh, and remember how many mistakes i made (and continue to make). Its more of me laughing at myself that us Baal Teshuvas in general have so much to work on and yet our Yetzer Hara is so good and getting us to ignore that so we can put down others. When its the 50 and older grown that has been religious for 10-30 years that's when it alarms me.

What would the Lubavitcher Rebbe say about his Chasidim? How the women dress, How the spend their time, What they speak about, How they judge other Jews. Would you go to your Rebbe wearing stiletto high heels, a pencil skirt with a slit in the back and red lipstick? Would you proceed to bad mouth non religious Jews? Why is it ok to do it when you aren't in front of your Rebbe. I thought the point of a Rebbe was to have as a symbol of Emes and Holiness. If you aren't strong enough to ask yourself "Would G-d be happy if I did this, at least you could say "What would my Rebbe think?"

My wife and I need to get out of this darkness because its starting to choke us. Either way, Moshiach is almost here! AMEN!