Usually I attach a picture to my posts. It's a "minhag" I adopted from other Yiddishe Bloggers. I have no picture because I have no Rebbe. This blog stems from an experience I had this past shabbos washing my hands before prayer at my parents shul. I arrived late to shul which I do NOT like to do and this Lubavitcher strikes up a conversation with me.
Chabad made me interested in Torah Judaism but once I was exposed to the all the other types of Chassidus I realized that although learning and being close to Chabad Chassidus would always be apart of my life, I had no plans to become a Chabad Chassid. Like my Rav I wear a bekeshe, my payos are ever growing, and my wife bought me a Tallis like his. So I stick out at Chabad Shul and when people who haven't seen m come to my parents shul (they have only lived in this specific community for about 10 months) they are quite confused and some people question me.
So this Lubavitcher who i soon realized was a huge Meshichist asked me my name and if I was a Chabadnik. Regardless of peoples ideas it is still a mitzvah to respect your elders and ones more learned than you. So instead of laughing at him I smiled and said no. What I wanted to do was grab my payos and dance around asking "Do I look like a Chabadnik?" How rude of my imagination. I told him my Rav is a follower of HaRav Chaskel Besser of Radomsk. He asked me who my Rebbe was and I told him I don't have one. He asked me why "the Rebbe" wasn't my Rebbe and if I sent letters to the Rebbe. I told him Ive been to the Ohel and Ive left letters there. He said "No, No have you sent letters to the Rebbe! Have you used Igros Kodesh to speak to the Rebbe?" I said no, and being already late for davening I just kind of smiled, and agreed with him till I saw a window out.
That moment it dawned on me what and who a Rebbe is. A Rebbe is someone you latch onto. You do everything he does, because he is a Tzaddik and the only way that you can have even a drop of holiness in you, is to emulate the flood waters of holiness coming from a Tzaddik. How he prayers, how he speaks, WHAT he speaks, how he carries himself, who he associates with. All of this is the reason why hundreds of thousands of simple Jews flocked to the cities of Ger, Radomsk, Belz, and Lubavitch. They became _ _ _ _ _ _ Chassidim because of that Rebbe, because that Rebbe inspired them. Well I cant just read seforim and watch videos of a Rebbe. I need to see him. I'm to young in years and in yiddishkite to just sit down next to these Chassidim motzi shabbos and watch videos of Fahbrangens. They knew him and I never will.
I'm not going to find a Rebbe in Los Angeles, but this motzi shabbos the Pittsburgher Rebbe is coming to town. Hopefully he can give me some advice on what to do.
I learn a lot of Chassidus and what calls to me the loudest is the Chassidus of Ger. I'm not sure if they still emulate the lifestyle expressed in the writtings of the 2nd Rebbe the Sfas Emes but I truly feel close to Ger even though Ive never met any Ger Chassidim. If we can make it to Israel this summer G-d willing I would like to daven at their shul or something. I'm not sure how accepting they are of Baal Teshuvas. Especially ones that have tattoos from a past life.
I'm rather confused right now but I should problem be learning some Torah instead of worrying so much about this.
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8 comments:
This is a really great post - a lot of what you are saying really resonates with me.
I also feel very connected to Ger - I have been to the shul here in London to study with my Satmar friend. Is there no Ger shul where you live?
There were many different Chassidim from the other side of Los Angeles in the presence of the Pittsburgher Rebbe and I became friendly with one of them. He said there is a Chassidishe Kollel by him where all types of Chassidim Live, Skver, Satmar, Ger, Belz, Pittsburgh. So iy"H I will either daven there or spend a shabbos there with my wife. Im glad my words can relate to others. Its comforting to know Im not alone in all this.
That moment it dawned on me what and who a Rebbe is. A Rebbe is someone you latch onto. You do everything he does, because he is a Tzaddik and the only way that you can have even a drop of holiness in you, is to emulate the flood waters of holiness coming from a Tzaddik. How he prayers, how he speaks, WHAT he speaks, how he carries himself, who he associates with. All of this is the reason why hundreds of thousands of simple Jews flocked to the cities of Ger, Radomsk, Belz, and Lubavitch. They became _ _ _ _ _ _ Chassidim because of that Rebbe, because that Rebbe inspired them. Well I cant just read seforim and watch videos of a Rebbe. I need to see him. I'm to young in years and in yiddishkite to just sit down next to these Chassidim motzi shabbos and watch videos of Fahbrangens. They knew him and I never will.
Yeah, you totally missed what the Rebbe is all about -- from the point of view of Chabad, but you got what the Rebbe is all about from the point of view of Polish Chassidim.
That's not what (who) the Rebbe is in Lubavitch. What you should've said to the Chossid is this: "Your Rebbe is not my Rebbe because my idea of a Rebbe is that of somebody you 'latch on to', someone you plug into to charge your battery, someone whom you watch eat kugel, someone who inspires you. Your view of a Rebbe, however, is someone who teaches you, someone whose writing will reveal to you to minute details that there is G-d in this world, and nothing but G-d, so that you can learn that, think about that, make that part of your life and draw closer to G-d."
When the first person davens with passion, he is not davening -- his Rebbe is davening. When the second person is davening with passion, he personally is davening -- because his Rebbe taught him about Hashem.
So, you may disagree with messianism of this guy, but notice which way he found of "communicating" with his Rebbe: trying to see a message in his teachings.
(Btw, long peyos is not a sign of a non-Lubavitcher only; it's a sign of a non-Lubavitcher or a non-Lubavitcher who became Lubavitcher but decided to retain his peyos as a minhog of his parents.)
Also: if the whole point of your post was that it makes sense of moving out of Los Angeles, then I agree with you, it's a praiseworthy idea. It is possible to find Hashem in all places, but in some places it's harder than in others.
Another thing: it's totally amazing how the answer was in front of your nose and you totally missed it.
You're saying: I cannot associate with your Rebbe because I didn't know him. And the mishichist guy gave you the answer: don't write to the Ohel, write to the Igros! Meaning, our Rebbe is not the Rebbe whom you associate with personally (when you visit a grave, it's like a personal visit to someone; a grave of someone you cannot associate with is meaningless), but someone whom you associate with through his teachings (which anybody can associate with)!
Associating with Chabad Rebbe is in Chabad way: through chochmah, bina, and daas. Study, in other words. If his words make sense to you (the same way 2+2=4 makes sense -- pure logic), if using them changes your life on a personal level, then you have a relationship with the Rebbe. No need to "latch on to him", watch him eat kugel or say lechayim.
And you missed it! You missed it because you focused on what for you is a crazy mishichist practice.
Thanks for this story. I will use it as a moshol in future.
You will use me a moshal for error? A typical Chabad ego boost. You obviously missed my point. It is partially my fault because I did not add all my thoughts to the blog making an assumption that the people reading this already knew obvious things. Like you should attach yourself to a Rebbe because of his Torah and Chassidus inspires you. I was going to write a very emotional fueled long posted but i decided to keep it short.
A) Go learn some Sfas Emes and tell me that Polish Chassidim lack Chochma Bina and Das.
B) You are saying that non Chabad Chassidim dont learn torah and avodas Hashem and how to daven from their Rebbe? These are the foundation requirements. I didnt even think I needed to mention these since any true Rebbe is someone who learns all of the other qualifications i desire in a Rebbe through TORAH.
Thanks for telling me what you think a Rebbe is because there is only ONE way and that is the CHABAD way.
Good Shabbos.
not to mention doing EVERYTHING he does would include diligent Torah study which is something that was strongly promoted by not just Chabad Rebbes. The more and more i hear from Lubavitchers the more and more I realize why so many groups of Yidden do not like what the movement has become since they no longer have a Rebbe. Imagine what he would say if he read your insults to another Jew. As for me, I don't have a Rebbe yet to have reprimand me. iy"H soon.
LBC,
Thank you for this post. I really found it very very interesting and I can definitely relate to your feelings and searching. Until I found Rav Weinberger, I was really struggling with this issue for many years. It almost feels like drowning and finally finding your Rebbe is like finally being able to latch onto someone in a lifeboat who can draw you back into the safety of the boat. Hatzlacha raba on your search!
-Dixie Yid
I must say that I 100% disagree with AV's description of Polish Chasidim. All groups that grew out of Peshis'cha/Kotzk (Ger, Aleksander, Razdin/Izhbitz, etc.) view the rebbe not as a mystical man flying in some unachievable spiritual level, but as a person who is there to guide their Chasidim, each in a way that is best for them, to reach the same level of the rebbe. Peshis'cha and Kotzk were very much into individuality and personal derech in Chasidus, so being a carbon copy of any rebbe of tzadik will not work for each person. It might be true that I latch onto my rebbe, and that I have a very close relationship with him, but he happens to be very available, open, and makes sure to become involved in the lives of his Chasidim. This isn't to make sure that we are all zombies who follow him, though. It is to see where we need to grow, what we need, and how he should guide us individually so that we do not simply latch onto his wings when he flies, but that we are able to learn to grow and use our own wings so we can fly as well.
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