When I first began my return back to Torah Judaism, a friend of mine made an interesting comment and provided some good advice. He said that a lot of "baal teshuvas" get really excited about keeping mitzvos, that as suddenly as they started keeping Shabbos they begin to judge others, criticize and point on faults, and worst of all judge non religious Jews. Its called "Baal Sheevy Syndrome" and it infects thousands of Jews worldwide. Usually, with the help of G-d and also some time learning in Yeshiva or Seminary, they realize their foolishness and begin to truly focus on correcting their own Neshama. Sometimes, though that isn't the case and the syndrome lingers with them for years, even decades.
During Simchas Torah there was a break between Mincha and Maariv and we went to someones house for some food & drink. The food was nice (homemade cakes) and the drink was as well (homemade lemonade). What wasn't nice was the conversation. One thing I cant stand to do is sit around a table and tell "my story" of how I became religious with other frum people. The purpose is nothing more than a contest to show who returned in a more interesting way. Its sometimes good for non religious Jews to hear to inspire them and get them thinking, but even that isn't my method of inspiration. That wasn't the problem its was ensued after.
For the next hour we discussed or should I say, gossiped about and criticized non religious Jews and our interaction with them. What purpose does this serve? Is it bringing Jews back to Torah? Is it elevating our own level of dedication to Hashem? Chabad's who mission is to bring Jews back to Torah, and to learn Chassidus and be Chasidim (Righteous, above the letter of the law, dedicated to Torah), and here I am sitting around a table listening to a bunch of Lubavitchers bash Jews. I guess Ahavas Yisroel only applies to when you are doing Kiruv work, and even then now I question if its genuine. The whole thing was a one up party. Oh Ive been frum for this long, oh I started keeping Chalav Yisroel years ago, Oh this Rabbi ate in my house and he doesn't eat in anyone's house. The best one was "I met the Lubavitcher Rebbe back in the 70's. Oh that was before Dollars." I wondered to myself. is Before Dollars like a time period? Since he is the Messiah I guess AD doesn't stand for Jesus's (the false messiah) death. AD stands for After Dollars. Its a mean spirited joke but it was a product of what I was hearing.
I was trying to figure out how to get up and leave without being rude or making it awkward and I almost got out without saying a word except for thank you to the host for the food. As I was about to leave the question popped "Are you frum since birth?" No... "Oh when did you become religious?" First off, were you paying attention at all? My parents just said they became religious 8 years ago. Am I frum since birth? Yea...I'm married and have a beard, but I'm only 8. OK, OK, give him a break." I told him I became religious about three years ago. His response was "Oh that's not that long ago. Well that was rude. Lets see where I'm at when I'm your age.
I left and went back to shul to continue learning Gemara. I might not be a Talmid Chachum but I figured that not understanding Mesechta Makkos is a better use of time than putting down Jews. When I see and hear my peers (18-30) acting like Baal Sheevy's I kind of just laugh, and remember how many mistakes i made (and continue to make). Its more of me laughing at myself that us Baal Teshuvas in general have so much to work on and yet our Yetzer Hara is so good and getting us to ignore that so we can put down others. When its the 50 and older grown that has been religious for 10-30 years that's when it alarms me.
What would the Lubavitcher Rebbe say about his Chasidim? How the women dress, How the spend their time, What they speak about, How they judge other Jews. Would you go to your Rebbe wearing stiletto high heels, a pencil skirt with a slit in the back and red lipstick? Would you proceed to bad mouth non religious Jews? Why is it ok to do it when you aren't in front of your Rebbe. I thought the point of a Rebbe was to have as a symbol of Emes and Holiness. If you aren't strong enough to ask yourself "Would G-d be happy if I did this, at least you could say "What would my Rebbe think?"
My wife and I need to get out of this darkness because its starting to choke us. Either way, Moshiach is almost here! AMEN!
3 comments:
It's a hard lesson to learn, but this is it: do not ever expect any one else--no matter who they are or appear to be--to do the right thing. Rather, you have to do it yourself.
Don’t you find it a bit ironic that you came here to bash other Jews for their wrong behavior of bashing other Jews? Where is your ahavas Yisroel towards them? At least they are trying to do something good, whatever the motivation is.
Did you try to help them to realize they were commiting an aveira? They are busy pulling Jews out of fire and didn’t notice that they caught fire themselves. Instead of helping them put it out, you walked away and started philosophizing about the irony of a firefighter who caught fire himself.
I shall leave your jokes about the dollars without a comment. By the way, nobody can bring something “out” of anybody else that did not exist there already.
It's a hard lesson to learn, but this is it: do not ever expect any one else--no matter who they are or appear to be--to do the right thing. Rather, you have to do it yourself.
Another hard thing to learn is that one must strive being idealistic and realistic at all times, in his expectations towards himself, towards others, and towards the world.
Αλέξανδρος -
You should read my article again, and other of my blogs. Bashing and Criticizing are two different thing. Bashing is to put down a person or a group soley for personal gratification with no positive outcome. Criticizing is pointing out fault with hopes of something positive coming out of it. Almost all of my blogs are critical analysis of the Frum world from my point of view.
I am not here to stand on a soap box to proclaim how great, holy, and intellectual I am, G-d forbid. I am here to write about issues that I think need to be looked at by all Jews and changed to better the relationship between Klal Yisroel and Hashem, as well at itself.
I have many faults and am not shy of admitting what I need to work on in my own life.
If you consider critcizing Jews who judge other Jews "bashing", then I strongly disagree.
I hope you can look at my words from a different angle and see that what I want from my critizing is people to realize their error including my own.
The Baal Shem Tov says that when you see error in someone, look into yourself and see that same error. I thought for a moment you were quoting him but I dont think you were.
My blogs are an extention of myself. I am guilty or have been guilty of all that I write about. When I first became religious I was doing the same thing sitting around a table. The only problem was that I had been religious for only a few years and only 22. These people have been religious for in some cases longer than I have been alive and are still sitting around the same table.
If still you disagree with my I can respect that, but know that my words are not meant to be malicious or an attempt to boost my ego at the expense of another Yid. G-d Forbid.
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