Shavuos Highlights

(Courtesy of Kumah.org)

The Chassidic Rebbes teach that you should not forsake your davening to stay up learning all night on Shavuos. Davening on Shavuos is equally important as the all night learning and if you are not able to pay attention or enjoy the davening it is almost in vain.

I took a nap Sunday afternoon with much excitement and anticipation. I woke up and went to the Mikvah and I was so jazzed that I would have the energy to enjoy Shavuos properly. And believed me its not often I can use the word "Jazzed" pertaining to my life as much as I do in this blog. It was truly a blessing to have my Rav & his family up in my parents community for the Chag and my wife and I had big plans to be with him away from Long Beach. After dinner it was just before mightnight as we made it over to the home where he was giving a shuir. He was teaching Sefer HaChinuch which is a must read for anyone into understanding the mitzvos. Most seforim break the mitzvos into 248 positive and 365 negative. Sefer HaChinuch is unique, because it brings each mitzvot as it first appears in the Torah. Thus beginning with the mitzvah of being fruitful and multiply in Bereshis. It is straight and to the point. This is the mitzvah and this is what it entails and if you want to learn more go here and here usually sourcing a tractate of Gemara. We learned this for a couple hours and it was amazing to see all walks of Yidden sit in on the shuir and soak up his teaching of the sefer.

After that we went over to Beth Jacob and he taught some high school students about respecting the opposite sex so my friend Yehoshua and I learned Bava Bathra to compliment last weeks longest parsha of 176 pereks. Unfortunately I didnt get to read Tehillim 119 to complete it but it was still amazing. Now its about 2:30am so we head over to Happy Minyan which is the Carlebach Minyan in Los Angeles. We learned more Sefer HaChinuch and discussed Chassidus and waited till 5am.

This is the highlight. We have been learning for hours and now most people will speed through davening and finish around 7:15 7:30ish. Not us, Not the Happy Minyan. We dance, we sung, we davened for almost 4 hours. I started to dwindle right around the Priestly Blessing but now that I look back it was so worth it. There was such energy in the davening making it more alive than anything I have ever felt. The Baal Teffilah was the Yehuda of Moshav Band and we sung our prayers with Carlebach tunes straight to heaven! I haven't been jazzed up about davening in a long time. I enjoy davening and I feel good, but there is something about singing clapping and dancing that just gets you going. We danced with eachother, we danced with the Torah. For a second I thought it was Simchas Torah!

Once we finished my wife and I made the walk home which was surreal. We were the only Jews on the street. Everyone had either finished davening at 7:30 or werent even awake for 10am. People looked at us weird as we walked. Myself in my bekeshe and fedora. It was Monday and I felt people wanted to tell me it wasnt Shabbos. This is where the highlights end. The rest of davening was business as usual. It was nice but its what I experience everday and not by choice. The only thing that raised my soul after that Happy Minyan was the cheesecake, ice cream, and lasagna!

Shavuos & Yartzeits

Baal Shem Tov

This Shavuos will be different for me. Ive been accustomed to spending it away from my parents usually somewhere far far away. This Shavuos I will be with my parents and my Kallah. It shall be most splendid as is every day, especially Shabbos & Yom Tovim with my new wife. We werent sure where we were going to be for Shavuos, our New York plans not working out after our Rav's Rebbe fell ill. Please pray for him his name is Chaskel Ben Frumet. May he have a refyah shleima and be able to share Torah with Klal Yisroel till one hundred and twenty. Unable to decide where to spend the Yom Tov, our decision was decided for us with the promise of cheesecake and ice cream. The 6th of Sivan is Shavuos as well as yartzeit to some amazing Tzaddikim. King David, the Baal Shem Tov, and the Imrei Emes the 3rd Rebbe of Ger. King Davids Yartzeit being on Shavuos interests me. HaKodesh Barachu blessed Dovid HaMelech with the knowledge that he would pass away on Shabbos. Knowing that no one can die while learning Torah with a full mind and void of interruption, King David spent his Shabbosim consumed in Torah Study, not even taking time for sleeping. On Shavuos it is a minhag of Klal Yisroel to stay up all night learning Torah to rectify the error of Klal Yisroel sleeping in. This makes it more interesting that King David who on his own accord learned Torah non stop all of Shabbos would pass away on the day when we are required to learn Torah Non Stop. How could this happen? There is a Midrash that Satan got the best of David and interrupted him with the sound of his 10 string lyre. Another that he climbed a ladder and the rungs broke. It would be good to learn Chassidus and say some extra Tehillim in honor of these 3 Tzaddikim and that they shall all have aliyot in Heaven.

Finding a Rebbe

Usually I attach a picture to my posts. It's a "minhag" I adopted from other Yiddishe Bloggers. I have no picture because I have no Rebbe. This blog stems from an experience I had this past shabbos washing my hands before prayer at my parents shul. I arrived late to shul which I do NOT like to do and this Lubavitcher strikes up a conversation with me.

Chabad made me interested in Torah Judaism but once I was exposed to the all the other types of Chassidus I realized that although learning and being close to Chabad Chassidus would always be apart of my life, I had no plans to become a Chabad Chassid. Like my Rav I wear a bekeshe, my payos are ever growing, and my wife bought me a Tallis like his. So I stick out at Chabad Shul and when people who haven't seen m come to my parents shul (they have only lived in this specific community for about 10 months) they are quite confused and some people question me.

So this Lubavitcher who i soon realized was a huge Meshichist asked me my name and if I was a Chabadnik. Regardless of peoples ideas it is still a mitzvah to respect your elders and ones more learned than you. So instead of laughing at him I smiled and said no. What I wanted to do was grab my payos and dance around asking "Do I look like a Chabadnik?" How rude of my imagination. I told him my Rav is a follower of HaRav Chaskel Besser of Radomsk. He asked me who my Rebbe was and I told him I don't have one. He asked me why "the Rebbe" wasn't my Rebbe and if I sent letters to the Rebbe. I told him Ive been to the Ohel and Ive left letters there. He said "No, No have you sent letters to the Rebbe! Have you used Igros Kodesh to speak to the Rebbe?" I said no, and being already late for davening I just kind of smiled, and agreed with him till I saw a window out.

That moment it dawned on me what and who a Rebbe is. A Rebbe is someone you latch onto. You do everything he does, because he is a Tzaddik and the only way that you can have even a drop of holiness in you, is to emulate the flood waters of holiness coming from a Tzaddik. How he prayers, how he speaks, WHAT he speaks, how he carries himself, who he associates with. All of this is the reason why hundreds of thousands of simple Jews flocked to the cities of Ger, Radomsk, Belz, and Lubavitch. They became _ _ _ _ _ _ Chassidim because of that Rebbe, because that Rebbe inspired them. Well I cant just read seforim and watch videos of a Rebbe. I need to see him. I'm to young in years and in yiddishkite to just sit down next to these Chassidim motzi shabbos and watch videos of Fahbrangens. They knew him and I never will.

I'm not going to find a Rebbe in Los Angeles, but this motzi shabbos the Pittsburgher Rebbe is coming to town. Hopefully he can give me some advice on what to do.

I learn a lot of Chassidus and what calls to me the loudest is the Chassidus of Ger. I'm not sure if they still emulate the lifestyle expressed in the writtings of the 2nd Rebbe the Sfas Emes but I truly feel close to Ger even though Ive never met any Ger Chassidim. If we can make it to Israel this summer G-d willing I would like to daven at their shul or something. I'm not sure how accepting they are of Baal Teshuvas. Especially ones that have tattoos from a past life.

I'm rather confused right now but I should problem be learning some Torah instead of worrying so much about this.

Holocaust? No, it can't happen here...

(courtesy of http://www.abqjournal.com)

The following article is excerpted from Lazer Brody's blog here.

I am an avid reader of his blog and almost always agree with even what some would say his most "extreme views". This blog is something I have been thinking in my mind for a long time and only whispered to a few close to me. I take no credit for the following words, only that they should be spread through out the Jewish public so you can decide to disagree or agree with what Lazer and others think.

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Famous last words of German Jews prior to Kristallnacht: "No, it can't happen here..."

American Jews, ever so comfy, say the same thing today. With oil up to $120/barrel and the value of the dollar down by over 30%, with a waning economy and increasing unemployment, it's only a matter of time until the ground really starts burning under the feet of American Jews.

For more on Holocaust? No, it can't happen here... see Section A8

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Its happening again in Europe too....

Davening with a Minyan

(Courtesy of www.xanga.com/Shlomo_Chizkiyahu)

I davened many a day in my living room. I always tried to say Shema in time, always tried to daven shachris well before the last minute and always tried to have on my tefillin. Day in and Day out I figured that this was what Hashem wanted from my daily teffilah. Missing Torah reading Monday and Wednesday and Rosh Chodesh. Then one day I came upon a quote from the Talmud Yerushalmi stating that davening in your home is like davening in a steel box. Implying that it is nearly impossible for a Yid, especially one of my spiritual stature to penetrate the heavens with prayer alone at home without a Torah or a Minyan. Then I moved .5 miles from the mikvah, .7 miles from the shul, and 1.0 mile from my Rabbi. Prior to that I had never spent a Shabbos where I lived since I moved out of my parents house. It wasnt to bad, but I did miss my bed on shabbos. I decided when I moved that I was going to make some changes. Sleep is for the weak so i started waking up at 5:45am everyday so I could make it to minyan, usually being the first one there and preparing myself even before the main Shul lights were triggered by their timer. I have this thing about being on time and it really gets to me if I am late for minyan. After a month or so, the members of the shul entrusted me with the code to the front door and I now could learn before Mincha and Maariv instead of sitting in my truck till someone came to open the door. Now that I am a regular for minyan my life is in a new direction. I still have the same tests and troubles I did before but now I feel I am stronger when confronting them because of the time I set aside to be in shul and daven with a minyan. Im not sure how to explain it but I would recommend everyone to make it to daily minyans 3 times a day everyday and see how it affects your life. Hashem wants us to daven ten men strong and this is the only way to rectify the sin of the spies, please HaKodesh Baruchu and usher in Moshiach!

Marriage is the Foundation

(courtesy of us getting married)

The Ramak zt"l says that until one marries it is obvious that the Shechinah is absent from a man's life, because the Shechinah only rests on a man in the merit of his wife. With such ideas running through my head I crushed the glass and sealed the deal, The rest of the night a blur filled with so much smiles and dancing that its hard to smile and walk. I'm now married thanks to HaKodesh Barachu who has just given me the greatest blessing i will ever have, a wife. My path back to the Emes known as Judaism has been an interesting one. More gratifying than anything I have ever done. Right now I am at a climax of happiness that I pray to G-d I can coast at for the next 20 or 30 years. There were so many great people around me dancing and hugging my wife and I, and showering us with the most beautiful blessings. I too gave blessings and the same one to every man who I held on to. I blessed them that they should grown in Torah knowledge and that their love for Torah should inspire other Jews around them to want that same love for Torah, because only this way will Moshiach come. Some people didn't like my blessing. What do you want? Me to bless you that you should be rich with money? Ask Hashem for that. If its not been given then maybe you don't deserve it. I asked G-d under the chuppah for Parnosah. I only need enough to feed and cloth my wife and children and enroll them in the best schools of Torah I can. I don't need luxury cars or trips to Hawaii. I don't need a 62 inch flat screen plasma as I don't even plan to own a television. I'm still in a dream during this week of Sheva Brachas. Waking up just late enough to say Shema with tallis and tefillin and just relaxing without worry of work or school. I'm truly blessed. There was a lot of criticism when I got engaged. Almost all of it from the Secular world who can grasp the true purpose of marriage and why the Torah commands us to wait no later than 20 years of age. Some people thought I was crazy, others impulsive. Then they met Sarah Rachel my wife and it made sense to them like I did to me the day I saw her in the kitchen at Derek and Sarah Leahs when it was just Derek's. Still I hear people jealous of us. Not everyone can be happy so there still must be some negativity trying to infringe on us. I chose to ignore it. As in a time these people will soon be married too and be to busy being in love to worry about the jealously in their hearts. Such a bad trait to have, almost as damaging as anger. Something that my wife has almost entirely extinguished from my heart. She has changed me into a humble happy, satisfied man and I thank Hashem so very much for bringing her into my life. Our trip on the road of life is just beginning on our second day of marriage and I anticipate much happiness now that I found my Beshert. She has given me clarity as well. I am now able to recognize that every single event, positive or negative that I have gone through was all meant so that i could meet her that Shabbos and know that she was the other half of my soul. I bless whoever reads this that they too shall realize that everything is Beshert and that they two will be bless if they just ask Hashem for what they need.

Exposed Tzitzis & the Arizal

(courtesy of wikipedia.org)

A Simple Jew has a really good article on Tzitzis of the Tallit Katan, and whether you should wear them in or out. Please read it, maybe before you read mine.

Just last shabbos I learned the Lekuti Sichos by the last Lubavitcher Rebbe on the questions of whether the Tzitzis of the Talit Katan should be worn exposed or concealed.

I started wearing tzitzis with the strings exposed in Israel, an easy thing to do. A taxi driver once asked me, do you wear those out in America? I told him yes which when I look back was a lie but i justified it in my mind that i "planned" to wear them out.

Easier said than done in Galus. I didn't wear them out for awhile then after a couple months i decided to try it. I wore them out at work, at school, anywhere except once i tucked them in when i went to see a play which i don't think i plan to do again, and I'm referring to seeing a play. Then i realized something which at first confused me. My Rabbi doesn't wear his tzitzis out. I asked him about it and he told me he wears them inside because, his Rebbe wears them inside. His Rebbe does it because his father did it, so we can only assume that his father's Rebbe did it, who was the last Radomsker Rebbe, one of the greatest Polish Rabbi's in history.

So there must be a very good reason behind this. the Lekuti Sichos enlightened me as to why, even if the end result was the Lubavitcher Rebbe not supporting the idea of concealed tzitzis and me very much so supporting the idea.

This is what i took from my Rabbi's response.
When the Torah and Gemara refer to tzitzis being exposed so you should see them everyday, its refering to the Tallit Gadol. We wear the Tallit Katan not as a requirement but as an extra layer of protection. Just as this protection is hidden, so too should the garment that protects be hidden.

It took me a while to feel comfortable wearing them inside because I was so accustomed to having them hanging out and always getting stuck in the door of my truck. I get married iy"H in 37 days and when I wear my Tallit Gadol I don't think it will be as weird for me. Like when i tuck them in after Shema on Shabbos and this kid is staring at me so confused.

Keeping the mitzvot, even just one.

(Courtesy of http://www.crownheights.info)

Many religious Jews will criticize Chabad for putting tefillin on Jews that "could never appreciate the value of the mitzvah, understand it, or lack the proper intent". It is easy to criticize something when you are doing nothing. We are commanded to put on tefillin today, just as we were yesterday, and tomorrow, and on the third Wednesday of August in the year 2064. Each mitzvot just like each day is independent of itself. You can not rely on your good deeds of yesterday today and except G-d to continue to bless you because six months ago you gave a more than generous amount of tzedakah or three years ago you finished learning the whole Gemara. Non Chasidic Jews are quick to jump on Chasidim which is more so targeted at Lubavitchers for exposing Torah and Mitzvot to the simple Jews. They claim that you must have intent and understanding of mitzvot to perform them properly. Now I agree, perfect intent and full understanding of the mitzvot makes Ribono Shel Olam so very happy. However that is not the main purpose to my understanding of why we have the mitzvot and why we perform them.
Parshas Mishpatim is chalk full of laws, and most of these laws, unlike Chukim are rational. You are responsible for damages from your animals, proper conduct with slaves, things that any moral community could at some point come up with. As compared to the Chukim like eating matzoh or the use of a red heifer which no one could ever think of period. The Sfas Emes, the 2nd Rebbe of Ger exposed a non-pshat aspect of Torah that along with the help of the mussar text Yalkut Yosef helped me understand the concept of Mitzvot.

Exodus 24: (7) Then he took the record
of the covenant and read it aloud to the people.
And they said, “All that the LORD has spoken
we will do and we will hear!”

We don't study Torah and perform Mitzvot for a deeper understanding of life. We do it BECAUSE HAKODESH BARUCH HU SAID SO! sorry for the caps. I wanted that to stick out. When we do what G-d has said, then by default he blesses us with a deeper understanding of his Torah and Mitzvot. The Torah says this, Chazel says this, and all the great commentators say this. At what point did we forget this and decide since we (and by we i mean them) know more Torah than the simple Jew that not only do they not deserve the knowledge but its not our job to give it. Imagine if Moses had that attitude, especially after the golden calf.
If you put on tefillin today and say Shema you have performed those two mitzvot. It doesn't matter if you did it yesterday, or if you have plans to do it tomorrow. The Torah is in the now and here and isn't dependent on the there and before. Thank G-d that the Lubavitcher Rebbe O.B.M. brought the beautiful mitzvah of tefillin to the common unlearned Jews. Nowhere in the Torah written or oral does it say "It is a mitzvah to put on tefillin (only if you are a Talmud Chachum)" and if it does will someone please point it out to me.
I'm not a Talmud Chachum or anything but a humble little chasid desperate for Emes. I make mistakes and understand thing wrong and pray that G-d can give me clarity and insight. I do know one thing though every weekday B"H I put on tefillin. Before this i declare that I'm performing the mitzvah tefillin "for the sake of G-d" not because I have some deep understand thanks to R' Areya Kaplan's book Tefillin that I read, or to get points up in Olam Habah. Simply because G-d said so and that is a good enough reason for me.

I'll leave you with a story....

Once R' Yaakov Yitzhak the Seer of Lublin was learning with his brother R' Pinchas Horowitz. The Seer's shammas kept interrupting him and whispering something in his ear. Finally his brother with irritation and almost anger said, "My dear brother Yaakov how can you let your shammas interrupt you during your Torah study, does he not know how valuable your time is?! It shouldn't be wasted on anything but the study of Torah! The Chozeh of Lublin responded " My dear brother when I study Torah I get so involved in what I am learning that I have my shammas whisper into my ear "There is a Ribbono Shel Olam" so I do not forget.

You see here, sometimes we get so involved in Torah study and the deep Mamash deep as Reb Shlomo would say that we forget the whole reason why we are studying the Torah. For the sake of G-d, thats why. Even studying Torah can be a form of Avodah Zara so always keep in mind for whom we stand before, HaKodesh Baruch Hu.

When the Aish goes out.

(Courtesy of http://randsco.com/)

I'll never forget the moment I knew without question that my life was controlled not by chance, or luck, or by the traffic on the freeway, but in fact by HaKodesh Baruch Hu. I know most people haave amazing stories of returning to Judaism, but mine began with an 80mph impact into a wall on Shabbos leaving me without one scratch or even a sore muscle. The only greater miracle in my mind at that point was the Yam Sof itself. When i first heard the term "Burning Out", it made sense for frum since birther's since most of the time they are forced into the daily routine without much understanding or connection to Hashem. I don't understand how a Baal Teshuva, a "Master of Return" could burn out. You just experienced the moment that made you realize that up to this point you had been living a lie and were ready to submit to G-d and repent and mend your ways. How could you go back? How could you then go on and deny G-d again? There is a question "When does a Baal Teshuva because Frum?" The real question is when does a searching soul really because a Baal Teshuva. This name is something sacred reserved for people that sacrifice everything for the sake of G-d! When you started keeping shabbos for a month, you aren't a Baal Teshuva, or when you keep kosher for six months. So the question at hand isn't really how do Baal Teshuvas burn out, its why do these souls begin a journey and end it so quickly. It revolves around becoming an observant Jew for the wrong reasons. Becoming religious for a significant other is the worst. When you see people end a relationship and girl is back to dressing not tznius out at clubs trying to meet guys. The guys are at that same club with their yarmulkes off trying to meet non religious girls. Its a hard thing to attempt but a lot of this wouldn't happen if religious people learned to be Shomer Negiah. Easier said than done, its something I have struggled with on my journey. I don't think I'm holy or on some other level that I have a right to cast judgment upon fellow Yidden I just think its sad that someone would work so hard and believe me it is VERY hard to be religious just to give it up once a significant other isn't in their life. Putting a person above G-d is the worse thing you can do. I really pray for all those yidden off the derech to come back please. Hashem needs your prayers and your love.


* Note: These posts are not meant to inflate my Ego and show how religious I am. My hope is that people will read this and provide answers to questions that I myself cannot answer.

Learn it for yourself

(Courtesy of http://www.shuvubonim.org/)

I haven't written much since I made this blog, but now I finally have something to write, and it disturbs me more than ever.

Its an infection in the Baal Teshuva Movement. I never thought it was a real problem until I was labeled as acting like a "born again Christian". Besides the fact that I almost threw up after reading it what makes it even more INSANE is the context in which I was insulted.

It doesn't matter what the disagreement was about, because that in itself is worthy of its own Blog and its such a beat the dead horse topic its not even worth mentioning. However the claim that was disputed lead to some exchanging of words.

This Yid told me that his Rabbi made a certain statement about a certain tractate of Gemara. Now I am no one special and will agree 100% that this Rabbi who is only twenty six knows myriads more than myself, yet that does not make him a posek or a ruler on any difficult halachic questions without first consulting his own Rabbi. Or at least i hope.

I told this person that this certain folio was one of the most misunderstood tractates and he should at least look at it himself and learn it with someone. No, his Rabbi says this is how it is so there is no point in learning it and my quote unquote "Quest for Truth" gives him Born Again Christian vibes. Now i know he just said that because I backed him into a corner and his last ditch effort was to insult me to keepsake his own Ego but with all this aside a bigger question must be answered.

What are those Yid doing in that picture up there ???

What type of Orthodox sect promotes learning through Rabbi's and not learning WITH Rabbi's through text?

Ive been to yeshiva for a small time period, and the same one in fact that this person attended and i was pretty sure everyday for a good 4 1/2 hours was an intensive Gemara class.

If anything, the "listen to your spiritual leader instead of reading the text yourself" is a staple of practicing Christians.

I'm not losing sleep on the insult, and I'm not sure if I've lost a friend either, but it bothers me that some Baal Teshuvas think they have maxed their learning and are content with just keeping shabbos and mitvos. This Yid told me that the whole time i was researching the issue i brought to him, "Think of how much Torah i could have been studying" I was so confused because i was learning Gemara almost the whole time. But who am I to tell people that that in itself isn't an amazing thing that brings joy tho HaKodesh Barochu? I'm no one. I'm a humble Yid with the Torah knowledge of a 10 year old chasid from pre world war II and I hate Galus.

Get me out of here Moshiach